Monday, July 9, 2012

Final steps remaining before the departure.

It’s been busy---and weird, too.  23 days to departure and I’m putting stuff on my plate that has nothing to do with going to Ecuador.  However, some of it does belong---the petition to the Archdiocese of San Francisco to nullify my marriage belongs---I want to get it to the Tribunal Auditor before I go. Also, I’m a 12 Step man who just completed the 4th Step last week. I’d like to complete the 5th Step before I go. The activity towards this end is scheduled, and if I don’t finish before going---that’s okay. It’s just that it’s on my plate and it has nothing to do with going to Ecuador. Last week, I purchased the services of a web builder to design and construct two blog sites. This has nothing to do with going to Ecuador yet I invested funds and will invest time to learn much more about internet mechanics. I’m especially amped about the construction of one of the sites. Its purpose will be to aggregate blogs on a host of varied, current social, political and religious topics. Part of the site will serve as an internet agora, like the agora in ancient Athens where philosophers and teachers spoke and debated, exchanging and challenged ideas with each other. The link below is to a model/preview for the second site, called the  Political Junkie.
Another sort of weirdness I’ve been doing lately, under the circumstances, is to augment social activity.  I joined Inter-Nations and went to its recent event at the Press Club in San Francisco.  Not the dance music of the 60s or 70s.  Not the Doors or Rolling Stones---nothing  like the music that was put out by Dan Hicks and His Hot Licks, but cool music. I could dance to it.

But what’s up? Why fill my decreasing time slot to prepare to go Ecuador with entertainment that has nada zilch to do with getting there!?  I recently spent half a day with a friend at Hiller Aviation Museum in San Carlos, CA.

UPS pilot Karen McNally in real model of a jet cockpit at Hiller Aviation Museum.
I can justify MeetUps of the Society for the Promotion of Writers, Poets and Artists, or the Peninsula Spanish Language Meetup Group. The first has to do with sharpening content for this blog and the second with learning to speak Spanish.
I have a theory to account for why I’ve been adding food to a plate that doesn’t have much room for more.  Part of me is just, plain afraid to go to Ecuador.  Rather than squarely acknowledge it, I’ve been avoiding its recognition.  If I’m dancing or setting up a business, how can I feel afraid? I avoid the issue those ways. But needed and important items are then left unattended on the agenda of what to do next to get to Ecuador. What’s the delay?  Why do I procrastinate when time is running so short?

Maybe the reason has something to do with like what happened when I was a kid in Sacramento. See, I took swimming lessons one summer.  All the students had lots of practice kicking legs and learning arm strokes. But when time came for the swim test, in deep water, I jumped in the pool and froze. Immediately the swim teacher jumped in after me, but it was a crock. I knew how to swim!  I’d plenty of practice. The next time that day I jumped in the pool I did fine. So what went wrong?  The fear just gripped me.

Image courtesy of Free
 As to flying to Ecuador I can count the number of times on a hand how many times I’ve flown in a jet. I’ve been to Germany, Maine, Mexico and Canada---but as a whole my track record at travel is low on the comparative scale with most.  For a person with a past history of mental illness, such as is my history, going to live in Ecuador for three months is not within the customary perimeters of conduct.  Is part of me afraid I’m going too far for someone who has been maladjusted in the past? If I've been mentally ill, maybe in my unconscious---I’m afraid this going to Ecuador business is too big a step to take for a guy like me.  Am I setting myself up to fail to lift off like a crow with a broken wing?  Why am I waiting so long to complete the final steps to get to Ecuador?  Am I crazy? What-if-I-run-out-of- time!?!
In the middle of all the frets, I more or less happened upon a blog post last week that inspired me to get a grip. The blogger described how she overcame the fear challenging her intention to drive through the wind whipped hills of Altamont Pass when they threatened to blow her car off the road. She recounted what happened as revealed in gorda no more.
After reading it, I decided to imitate what she did.  I decided to do the first thing in regard to going to Ecuador that she did in regard to driving through the windstorm to get over Altamont Pass. I decided I was going to go.

I determined what steps to take. I typed each step on a word  document in 70 point scale. I scheduled the activity to take these steps on a chart to monitor progress. When a step is complete--- I will ceremoniously torch the sheet of paper that described the step.
The steps are:
  • Book a hotel room near Quito airport.
  • Introduce myself to my home stay family in Ecuador.
  • Order the services of a mail delivery firm.
  • Purchase a large capacity rolling luggage carrier.