Sunday, February 12, 2012

Testing the Heart

It’s totally speculative until I actually I live there.  No matter how many books or videos from expats in Ecuador extoll the country, it’s second hand perspective to me.

Ecuador appears inviting from a distance. When I disembark from the jet and begin living there, I'll start to discover what heart says about the country. Heart will trump the intellectually gratifying reasons which engender interest. Unless I feel some sense of welcome and connection while visiting, I won't choose to live there permanently.
I feel disquieted as I hear my heart sometimes say I won’t feel content unless I live in the United States. What if I’m fooling myself?  Maybe it ought to be obvious to me I won't be able to adjust to life in a Spanish speaking foreign country. 

I guess it's understandable I wonder about my limitations when it comes to the concept of leaving northern California to live in a developing country like Ecuador. I don’t know the depths of my soul or my heart. But limiting the range of experience isn't a way to find out. Nobody plumbs the water that way.

On the first school day as a freshman at my high school, a cross country race between the 100 members of the incoming class was held. I won the race far ahead of the student who took second place. I had no idea I had this capacity.  An associate scoffed while I was taking journalism classes in college that I was far too introverted to become a newspaper reporter. Later I wrote and reported hundreds of stories for newspaper publication.

I’m looking to live where I can write full time without needing to concern myself in worried ways with money. I want to live  where I can accumulate surplus funds without working for wages. I'm used to living in a frugal manner. The inexpensive cost of living in a third world country means these are viable objectives for me.

Maybe there is no country where I will feel at home and be gifted at the same time with worry free personal economics. But I'll see about Ecuador.